2 stars **
Having included every football cliché in Goal 1, the writing and directing team now needed to move the audience to another unbelievable level. How do we do that, they thought? I know, said one, we’ll have the footballer move to Real Madrid, not considering this has anything to do with (the great) David Beckham’s real life story. They could have him meet his long lost mother and find his unknown half brother who just happen to be in the same town.
A change of director and the loss of the brilliance of writing team Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais proved the franchise didn’t learn from Goal 1. To have the player move to Real Madrid in Spain, where his long lost mother just happens to live, is stretching believability too far.
The mistakes still abound. There’s no recognition of the Gavin Harris character moving to Real Madrid, especially when he looked all through with his previous club and heading downwards in his career, rather than on a high. The lead actor and Anna Friel got engaged, but without mentioning it. You’d think the plan to leave out these matters would leave a movie with a crisp screenplay. Alas, still every cliché you’ve forgotten comes back into play.
The good news is that the brilliant football footage still shines through. The games look so realistic that you do believe the actors played at Real Madrid’s stadium. You’ll just to put up with players running with the ball, but you either only see the feet with the ball or the body moving without the feet or ball. You can’t have it both ways unless you’re a professional footballer who becomes an actor. Apart from Eric Cantona and Vinne Jones, the list grows short.
The Blake Snyder action plan for a successful Hollywood movie is still showing through, leaving your need for a sick bag or two, close at hand. The lines are so embarrassing that the German team manager looks like he’s going to run away each time he speaks.
This movie isn’t as good as the first, but it does move the story along through obvious highs and lows and leads us directly to the third in the set.
We all know the script by now, guessing it seconds before the actors say the lines. We even guessed that he wouldn’t run over his little unknown brother who runs out in front of a Ferrari doing around 100mph.
My goodness, in Goal 3 they’ll have him decide between representing his home countries of Mexico and The United States. He’ll choose Mexico and he’ll go on to score the winning goal in the World Cup final. In Goal 4, he’ll transfer to a team on the moon, win the first league championship there, break two legs and still play on for ninety minutes to score the winning goal against the Daleks. I know, it’ll never happen, but it did in Goal 1 and Goal 2.
Popularity: 9% [?]
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