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2 stars**

Where did Bond go? I went to the cinema to see a James Bond movie, but I think I missed him. You’ll always know a Bond film.:

• He always says “My name is Bond, James Bond.”
• He always asks for his Martini stirred and not shaken or was it the other way around?
• He goes and visits his friend Q to look over some far fetched gadgets and we’ll know that one or two will come in useful by the end of the screenplay.
• He’ll keep looking at attractive girls who then fall into bed with him having known him for all of five minutes and for one of two reasons; one – he’s the greatest lover ever, or two – they are a foreign spy and want to trick him, but they must sleep with him first due to reason one.
• His adversary will always be larger than life and have visions of taking over the world; he’ll always show Bond how he’s going to do that at the moment just before failure.
• There will always be comedy; Bond is a cheeky chap.
• He was very British, drinking tea in the afternoon.
• He always has a long lost love routine with the office girl and she’s loved him forever.
• And he has nice cars we get to see and admire.
• We wait with baited breath for the new Bond song.

I say I missed him because none of the above came true in this latest Bond franchise.

Here’s what a friend had to say:

Bond was good, but extremely shoot ‘em up bang-bang. At times outright scary. Pierce Brosnan used to bring the style and suaveness; what Daniel Craig brings is the 1000% raw testosterone combined with an impression of emotional vulnerability that would be his achilles heel, if he had one – which he doesn’t, because he’s Bond: James Bond. (That line was missing, by the way. I mean, why mess with the formula? It’s what we want.) I did not like the fact that they were also missing the gadget section with Q. I mean, that’s worth 1/2 the price of the ticket, but it wasn’t there. All in all, enjoyed it, but thought that Casino Royale was much better. Chase scenes were AWESOME! Bond girl was fabulosa.

So true. Daniel Craig does perform well, but he’s performing a new revitalized Bond, not the Bond we all know and admired. This follows on from Casino Royale and director Marc Forster obviously believes he has a formula in much the same way Batman films have changed.

In Quantum, Bond has gone missing and we’re left with a just above average effects movie where the screenplay is full of action and not dialogue, it’s shot too close so we can’t even really see the action and one of the main bond girls (Strawberry Fields) has such a small part I couldn’t believe she was gone so quick.

Perhaps this all explains why at least four writers were involved.

The song is easily forgetable; hopefully time will ease that thought. The sales figures look good at $450 million at the box office so far; why it’s only a hundred million behind Mamma Mia!

Yes, Olga Kurylenko was striking, but she forgot to sleep with Bond.